Not that girl anymore.

Postat i Musik Mina verk 2013-10-05 22:22 | Kommentarer (0) |
When I saw you I could hardly breathe. You looked just llike him. All I wanted to do was to be in your arms just like I was in his. Would it feel the same? At that moment I didn't care, I was to drunk to over analyze it. If that night would have been 5 months ago we would have ended in bed, but I'm not that kind of girl anymore. But I cant say that is wasn't fucking hard to not just grab your neck and kiss you. 
As the clothes fell of more and more everything went harder. Yor smile, your hands on my naked back, your eyes, AAAAH.
Why do I shut eberybody out all the time.. I should have just seized the moment and everything else would have been so much easier. I could maybe stop thinking about how I would have feel with your lips on mine. 
But I'm not that kind of girl anymore.



Postat i Mina verk Okategoriserat 2013-09-16 18:40 | Kommentarer (0) |
I know we tried several years ago, and my feelings weren't strong enough. It all broke down and we had to start all over as only friends. Even tough we have only been friend I have always admired you. You know why? Because you are the kindest, most beautiful person I've ever known. Yesterday, when that kiss on my neck appeared out of nowhere I felt this kind of warm rush through my whole body. Is this what i think it is? Do you feel the same? Maybe it was a friendly kiss on the neck.. a friendly kiss that changed my whole perspective. Do I dare to take the chance again? Are we right for each other? What if i screw it up all over again. Don't know what to do. What if I'm wrong...

Så många vänliga själar. Jag kvävs

Postat i Okategoriserat Mina verk 2013-09-14 13:36 | Kommentarer (0) |
Att ha många vänner runt omkring mig som bryr sig. Som tycker om mig för den jag är. Som accepterar mig som jag är. Det har jag. Varför ska det då göra så ont? Varför ska jag känna mig så obekväm i mitt eget skinn. Tankarna snurrar och gör allt för att få mina tårar att rinna. Jag är i krig mot mig själv. Jag vinner omvartannat. Det var dock länge sen jag vann nu. Hela den här veckan har varit tårar. Vet inte vart jag ska ta vägen. Jag kan inte hålla emot. Vet inte vad jag ska göra. Vet inte om jag har styrka nog att klara detta en gång till. Att det är ingen som fattar, det är ingen som förstår smärtan. Ingen som ser igenom väggen. Är jag ensam? Är jag verkligen det? Jag kvävs. Jag kvävs. Jag kvävs. Håller jag på att bli galen? Snälla Jag vill inte. Jag vet att min familjs historia inte står på min sida vid det här laget och jag hoppas att historian inte återupprepar sig.

Så mycket men ändå så lite

Postat i Okategoriserat Mina verk 2013-09-11 19:22 | Kommentarer (0) |
Sitter och har tankar och känslor skvimpande över kanten, ville skriva av mig. Sätter mig ner med händerna på tangentbordet.
Inte ett ord.

Self Harm

Postat i Mina verk Okategoriserat 2013-09-02 00:16 | Kommentarer (0) |
I don't really know where I'm going with this post but I just feel like writing. 
I know many of you wonder why I'm writing in english, and the thing is, I do to. I wonder why, but I can express myself better in english more than in my motherthounge. I know I have some grammar and spelling fails, but please read past that. 
What I wanted to write about is talking about self harm. Is it a common subject? Yeah, It kind of is. Do we speak of it seriously though? Yes, it is mentioned in some conversations but do we actually think about it?
Is people aware about what self harm is all about? A person who have been there knows but do you? Do you know what brings you so far that you rather choose to harm yourself than to talk to someone. You sit there with a blade in your hand, or a furniture hard enough to bruise your wrist, maybe your own nails can be an option in several crisis. And the satisfaction from the first hit, the first cut or scratch, priceless. 
That calm wave that overwhelms you from top to toe. That sweet sense of knowing where the pain comes from and why. Did you know that? 
I bet you didn't.
I do. The lovely communication and understanding strikes again. 
But yeah, keep talking bullshit about things you don't know anything about. 
But don't you dare cry when you are in that position where no one understand and all of a sudden, you are the thing they are bullshitting about.

En dag

Postat i Okategoriserat Mina verk 2013-09-01 21:55 | Kommentarer (0) |
En dag hoppas jag att jag har modet att visa vem jag är här. Kanske just du som läser just nu är en av dom väldigt få i framtiden som kommer att få ta del av detta. Kanske, kanske inte.

With tears in my eyes i write.

Postat i Mina verk Okategoriserat 2013-08-29 20:50 | Kommentarer (0) |
With tears in y eyes, I write. With tears in my eyes, I wait. With tears in my eyes I turn my face away so people wont see. So they wont see what I am hiding. 
The pain from the call I got, the surreal call I got. It felt like a dream. At first it was not weird at all, just because that is the way it is in dreams, you can see a flying green pig and it wouldn't seem weird or wrong. You can have a conversation with a flower and you wouldn't even flinch, because that is not unusual. 
A call about your friend might having cancer wouldn't be sad. In real life you can't compare with a dream. No matter what, the real life will hunt you up and not let you have a moment of silence in your head. 
I just want to scream. Why her? 
One of my favorite quotes is " Everything happens for a reason" WHAT THE FUCK IS THE REASON WITH CANCER?! I don't fucking understand. 
Fuck this. 

My girl. If you see this some day. I love you. And if the worst did come true (It wont, it just won't), you know that no matter what, we will get through this. It is okey. Together forever and always. You will make it and when you do that I will be right by your side. I Love you

As a human

Postat i Mina verk Okategoriserat 2013-07-29 21:36 | Kommentarer (0) |
To think about loving the sky, the trees, the sun, and the grass, is something. Something that makes you proud of WHO you are. But taking that love to your life and reality . 
To stop thinking in the middle of a dark crisis and just give away yourself to the ground. Feeling grass on your fingertips, the warmth from the sun on your skin. To be able to let go in that love. That is something else. Something that makes you proud of WHAT your are.

One of the others

Postat i Okategoriserat Mina verk 2013-07-29 21:27 | Kommentarer (0) |
All these lost souls. They're surrounding me, but that is youth, right? It is a part of the process. To be completely lost and confused. Everyday you wonder who you are, and you might aswell never find out. Why do you hurt yourself. The society laughs at you. Wonder why you are not getting better. What if you stayed condused? Stayed lost. It's sick, isn't it? Nobody really care. They are just there to fill up the thin air. But they doesn't really do anything, or do they? You're hurt. They notice. But doesn't give a damn fuck. Everybody notice. No words. Doesn't matter. It's OK. Fuck it. Young dope proud Just Looking for a taste of real life. I bet it is sour.

My love

Postat i Mina verk Okategoriserat 2013-07-29 21:23 | Kommentarer (0) |
It is the hope that keeps us going, the one thing that tells us that, someday, it might happen. No matter how small the chance is, hope is always there. I guess I can say that now. Now that all my hope for you slipped out of my hands. I know this is wrong. Writing, thinking, repeating it. I shouldn't have let it happen in the first place. But I'm happy for you. You should know that. It's hard, but I really am happy. You deserve a girl like her.